[Al and Band] No hope is left of being saved The icy sea will be our grave Pain and death await us all Hey! I wonder what it feels like to drown And I was thinking... [Captain] Okay, okay, okay! Perhaps you gentlemen should find a seat on the lifeboat after all. [Al] No no no no, we've accepted our fate Perhaps our music can provide some… [Captain] Some peace, yes, I got that. Um, do you think your could provide some peace with something a little less dark perhaps? [Al] Ah! A happy tune! Like that new jazzamataz that's been sweeping the American south [Captain] Yes, exactly, some of that jazzman… is that a thing? Whatever, that'd be fine. [Al and Band] How many life boats are there now? (None!) I said how many lifeboats are there now? (None at all!) Well, maybe there's one left maybe just one more You have to strangle through the others and the lifeboats could be yours Maybe there's one left Maybe just one more Throw my youngster overboard and the lifeboat could be yours. Hey! [Captain] Stop nodding! Why are you nodding!? [Al] What's wrong? [Captain] What is with those lyrics!? [Al] Hey, I'll have you know that "No Lifeboats Left" is one of our biggest hits [Captain] You mean you've already had these written? [Al] Oh course! I wrote that about the same time that I wrote.. umm.. "Survival is a Statistical Impossibility" [Band Member 1] Oh, and "Deep Sea Crabs will Eat your Face" [Band Member 2] "Will Not Hesitate to Shoot You for that Life Jacket!" is another favorite [Captain] The passengers are terrified [Al] As they should be! After all… There lungs will soon be filled with grimy water and probably some fecal matter from the terrified swimmers in the sea who pooped their pants [Captain] Don't tell me that's one of your biggest hits too… [Al] No, actually we're just kinda riffing that. Let's do it again louder! [Captain] Gentlemen, gentleman! The ship is going down. These passengers need something to give them courage, not morbid dooms about lobsters eating our bodies [Al] The captain is right. Let's play a tune that will fill this entire deck with the same strength and resolve that he has shown. [Al and Band] Don't fear the sea, but think instead Of our brave captain who welcomes death When that iceberg first appeared He did not turn, he did not steer A lot of people warned him about Taking his ship out without enough lifeboats But apparently, he would not be scared away Oh, he's so brave, our captain's brave Yes, he's so brave, he's sunk our ship!
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