Talking: Look If you had One shot To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it Or just let it slip? Singing: Yo Remote is ready Eyes wide, palms are sweaty There’s Flintstone’s on the TV already Wilma N’ Betty No virgin to channel surfin And I’m HD ready So I flip, garbage is all I’m getting There’s Simon Cowell Who folks wanna disembowel He opens his mouth, always says something foul They’re dying, Wow! Wannabe’s are crying now He votes them out Time to throw in the towel Shows based on reality Oh the humanity! Oh! Ozzy’s family! Sho’ loves profanity! Whoa! The insanity! Oh! Dogs that crap and pee Home of depravity? No! They live happily Yo! Plus “The Ali G Show” And “Celebrity Mole” Oh there’s Anna Nicole She’s scaring me “Look ma, no cavities!” Oh! It’s a station break Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something “You’re gonna lose your mind watchin’ TV” They told me, they’d scold me But I still tune in every show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo) “You’re gonna lose your mind watchin’ TV” They told me, cajoled me “Turn off those music videos!” (no!) I’m gonna watch C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo) “You’re Gonna…” My butt is aching As I watch NASCAR racing That show about undertaking Larry King to “24” to “Law and Order” The Weather Channel’s boring like 60 Minutes Ancient reporters next up on “E True Hollywood Story” The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey Shows for next fall, they’ve already been naming “CSI: Boise”, and “Touched By An Uncle”, both sound pretty lame, man So does “Everybody Tolerates Raymond” And “King of Queens” jumped the shark the first minute I can’t believe Richard Simmons ain’t in it. I’ll move right on to “8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter” Then I bet I’ll watch “The Bachelorette” Followed by “Welcome Back, Kotter” And “The Muppet Show” where they go “Mahna Mahna” “You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV” They told me, they’d scold me But I still tune in every show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime “You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV” They told me, cajoled me But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow) I’m lookin’ at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo) Never missed “Melrose Place” or “Lost in Space” I’ve seen each “Amazing Race” and “Without a Trace” But I only watched “Will and Grace” one time one day Wished I hadn’t cause TiVo now thinks I’m gay Oh, and “Fear Factor” I watched maybe a half hour After that felt like I needed a long shower Network execs with naked ambition “Next week on FOX – watch lions eat Christians!” Like to tie up those programming planners Make’em watch all of that junk ’til their heads explode just like “Scanners” Leech-covered grub-eating fools on “Survivor” Look, there’s James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider And there’s Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there’s MacGyver And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there’s Luke Perry And a special all pig-latin episode of “Drew Carey” Wanna turn on ET cause I’m a gossip freak And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin’ this week A 30 second spot, then we come back to “Are You Hot?” I was planning on recording “The Sopranos”. I forgot! I love shows with or without a plot I stare ’til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot Because I only have got one brain to rot I’m gonna spend my life watching television a lot “You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV” They told me, they’d scold me But I still tune into every show (show) My cable’s gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!) “You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV” They told me, cajoled me, “Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!” (no!) I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!) You can watch anything you want to, man.
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