It's been one week since we got to see Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry Five days since they had the show With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male Yesterday it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer Holy cow, d'you see it last week? Well, they had this one freak Who sucker-punched his whole family Do you recall when the brawl Became a total free-for-all And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee Hey, see the stripper with the implants She likes to lap dance And date the boyfriend of her mother Now here come's Jerry's next guest And it's a slugfest 'Cause it's her trailer trash brother Nymphomaniac is back on crack It's like "When Animals Attack" They all exhibit reprehensible behavior Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes Step on their toes, that's how it goes They get so violent they have to sign a waiver They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange When he found out that his wife had a sex change They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly They have a history of ripping off their shirts It's been one week since they had the fight With the Siamese twins and the transvestite Five days since that awful brawl They still haven't got the blood off the wall It's been three days since the bitter feud Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude Yesterday, finally dawned on me I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer Guy Guest : Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister Gal Guest : Oh? Well, which one? Guy Guest : All of them Gal Guest : Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake! Guy Guest : Yah? Well, well me too! Gal Guest : Oh! Guy Guest : And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie! (barking) Gal Guest : Woofie, you b-tch! Gal Guest : Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat! (baaahhing) Guy Guest : That goat doesn't love you! Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin' Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin' Jerry's the king of confrontation He's a sensation He puts the 'sin' in syndication It's totally worthless, like a bad check It's like a train wreck Don't wanna stare but you can't look away Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows But with more weirdos The ratings jumpin' higher everyday If you've seen the show, well then you know It's just as low as you can go The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene And pretty soon some ugly goon Comes in the room and then it's BOOM In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies "Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant Should I turn off my TV? I just can't I have a tendency to watch it religiously I have a history of taping each one It's been one week since the show about Psycho killers with problems they should work out Five days since the big surprise When some loser's wife said she's still dating twenty guys Three days since he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude Yesterday, it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer Come over here and pull on my finger
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